very tired. of feeling tired. of feeling like i don't have a lot going on. of not having any ambition or vision for my life, only these fickle fantasies. of feeling slow. of slacking. of not being focused. of having little to no discipline. of having little to no confidence. of feeling out of loop and out of touch with my friends. of so many things that and of dwelling on them. god, i'm turning emo.
there are so many things i want to do and be, and i have to realize that it's gonna take work. it's gonna take what i've been lacking, i've been letting myself lose sight of that for stupid shit that shouldn't even be mattering.
this is the umpteenth time i've told myself i'm going to make a change. i'm realizing little by little what it takes to make this life, even a nihilistic life, work.
this is also one of my least favorite writings by far. no style, no flow, nothing clever or witty or intelligent about it at all. but once in awhile it feels necessary to have to get on my own case and tell myself that i need to make a change. moving on...
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